I just called the Canadian government to check on the progress of my fat tax return (as prophesied by the mystic financial oracles at H&R Block) and for the first time took a glance at the details of my financial life in Canada thus far. After a wry giggle at the 'Total Income' line (a truly colossal $11,829.98 - so that's what killing your soul for $9/hr looks like! *snort* Homeless guys make more than that in cans!) I noticed a little discrepancy on my two tax return columns - one says 'Balance due', and the other says 'Balance owing'! Balance owing?? What the hell does that mean?! Do I owe them or do they owe me? I frantically dial H&R Block and spend the next 45 minutes on hold, waiting in abject terror for the call centre girl to tell me that I have made a $500 loss on my trip to Canada, and that I am going to have to sell a kidney in Bangkok to get myself back in the black. In the end, the lovely lady I speak to tells me in broken franglish that according to her files I most certainly AM getting a refund. I didn't quite believe her at first -

Me: I'm confused - one column says 'balance due' and the other says 'balance owing'... does this mean I owe money?
Her (in thick french accent): Non, zey are both refund.
Me: But it says 'balance owing'...
Her: It is in front of me. Not sure in English, how you say, ze smaller and bigger are both refund.
Me: Okay, but...
Her: Refund.
Me: Really??
Her: REFUND!!
Me: You. Are. Awesome!!
Her: ...refund.

Okay, so the last line was just for dramatic effect, but she was great and totally put my mind at ease. So even though (and here's the bad news for me) the cheques might not get here until after I leave, at least Ian can cash them for me and I will have money again!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

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